Tag: Sickness

Why do bad things happen to Good people

Prison is not a Sermon, it is about people who are trapped within there bodies. It is my hope and desire that when you finish reading prison you will come away with a better understanding of how life is for people who are not the world’s standard of normal.

A man I know Story:

I know a Guy who is in Prison and has been there for a quite a few years. A very nice guy on the inside but was doing things he should not have been doing and was court tried and convicted. This happens sometime when we are younger and following the wrong people or the wrong group. We tend to do what they are doing to show off or just to show we are one of them. This mans life will never be the same, but he does have a choice of being able to change it. To amend for what he has done and to learn a lesson from it, then let it make a different in his future.

While he was in Prison I thought about him and his life being in there. He was always in a small jail cell with bars, locked in with no means of escape, day in and day out for many years, him and four walls all around him. Some days he was aloud to go out side in to the open yard just to get away from his small cell. But in reality outside was nothing more then just a bigger cell will a high fence and razor edge barbwire on top. Even though he was on the outside he was still locked with in with no way of escape

There were other times when trouble happened; why because that is the way it is when you are locked within something. He would find himself put into solitary confinement, nothing more then just another cell but a whole lot smaller. Here was where he could think about everything that happened and why his life was in the mess it was in, it was a place of deep depression a place he did not want to come back too.

After a while he would be let out and was able to go back too his Cell. Even though it was still in prison it was better then the solitary confinement and it was a place where he has learned to be comfortable. His cell room in prison has become his place of safety and security a place where no one could hurt him. After a long time he had finish his time in prison and was let go early on good behavior.

I thought long about this and realized that there are many different type of prison. The story above is just one and it is true, but there are many others types of prisons that people live in everyday. People who are sick also live in prison, just why we don’t know, it is just the way life deal with us.

You see we too have our cells that we live in; it too has four walls all around us and we are locked in a sick body and can’t get out. We are held against our will because no one wants to be sick, we are trapped but with in our bodies. Sometimes we cry out but only to be misunderstood by people on the outside, they look in and see us but can’t understand what we are going through on the inside.

You see to someone who is sick our cell can be a place of loneliness, pain and suffering and place where there is no hope, only despair. Some days we are let out but only to a bigger cell outside, just like in a Prison there is still a high fence with razor edge barbwire on top keeping us locked in with no way of escape.

There are also times when we are locked away in to solitary confinement; this is so hard for people on the outside to understand. They can’t see through the doors of our life to know what we are thinking what we are feeling what we are seeing and why we are in despair. Depression can become very lonely, very deep, very dark and the longer you are there the deeper you sink. It is a place where no light comes in a place where all hope has vanish, a place of torment of mind, and no one understands it not even medical doctors as they see it only as a medical condition.

My Friend’s Story:

There was a young man and his wife I was giving Bible studies to, there had two beautiful children and one on the way, a very Lovely family. The man in the prime of his life was told he had MS and little by little it was taking away his ability to be what the world called normal. Both of them were very interested in learning about God and so they ask me to help them, being an Elder in the church I am honored to help people know the God I serve.

One night when I went over to there home I could tell that something was very wrong. Because of the man disability he ask his employer if it would be possible for them to build a ramp so he could get his wheelchair up to the office building easier. The next mouth he was let go from the place of work, they said it was nothing to do with his sickness they were cutting back; strange he was the only person let go.

His thoughts were “how was he now going to be able to take care of his family who is going to hire him with MS and in a wheelchair”. We had prayer, sometimes when things are going bad you need to let God in and take control. We continued having Bible studies but he was becoming more and more depressed at times and did not know what to do.

The man Mother and Father had gotten devoice when he was just a little kid and his mother always used him as a tool against his Father. But after he grew up he found that his father loved him very much, they had a very good relationship. He called his dad and told him all that happened and that he just did not know what to do.

His father could tell how depressed he was becoming and told his Son sometime you need to just get away. He told him to come out and spend a few weeks with him, don’t worry about your problems they will all be there when you get back. So the man decided he would do just that, his Dad was going to buy the ticket so why not just get away.

When his mother found out that he was going to spend sometime with his father she blew-up on him and told him all kinds of hurtful things. Never did she realize all she was doing was pushing him further and further into a deep deep depression.

When a person is in Prison with in his body people all around must be very carful how they speak and what they say. One little word can be the difference between a soul in despair and desperation that leads to death.

The man went into his bed room all by himself and sat on the floor, the words of his mother kept playing over and over in his mind. The walls of his prison life was closing in on him and in his deep depressed mind Satan was telling him to just get it over with. He took down his gun and was pointing it at himself asking what good is it for me to live. In his mind he did not want to die he did not want to kill himself, but in a deep depressed state the mind does not think right. Over and over all he could hear in his mind was his mother telling him how no good and selfish he was just like his Father.

His Wife heard the sound and knew what he did, she call 911 and went into the room he was still alive and crying he said I did not mean to do it I pulled the trigger by accident. They both prayed and she told him just ask God for forgiveness and so he did, he was taking to the local hospital where he died 3 hours later.

Oh how killing can words be to someone locked away in there body, locked away from the world, locked away because of there sickness and diseased body. Oh how hard it is for someone who has a good body to understand what we go through in our everyday life of suffering and pain. I know that someday I will see this man again in heaven and in a body never again to feel the curse of sin. Some may said no he committed suicide he will not be in heaven, judge no man for only God can hear the faintest cry coming from a soul in anguish asking God for His mercy and forgiveness. God knows where we are and who we are, even the thief who died on the cross next to him Jesus forgave in the last mins of life.

My Story:

I have been fighting Cancer and the side affects of the treatment a little over 12 years now. They say if the Cancer don’t kill you the treatment will, this is so very true as I am dying not from the Cancer I had but from it’s cure.

I find that no one truly understands what people go through who have been told they have some type of illness, all the pain, the stress, the depression, the feeling on loneness. Most people will come up to you and most of the time say the wrong thing, they don’t mean anything wrong they just don’t know what to say. Most of the time it is better to just say nothing and give us a big hug, it says more then words could every say.

I like most people don’t know why I got Cancer, bad things happen to good people, I did not eat meat, I was a vegetarian and took very good care of my body, if I seen a doctor it was just for an annual check-up. I remember the first time I got sick, I got Dysentery while working in Africa then I got Malaria on top of it because my immune system was so weak. My health went down hill from then on. Two years later I came down with NPC a Cancer of the of the nasal passageway the uppermost region of the pharynx (“throat”), behind the nose

I did the Radiation treatment for it, it almost killed me, but I got better, then 17 months later I was told I have a recurrent of the same Cancer. My Caretaker Wife and I was devastated by the news, I was still a young man and still in pretty good health. We did the treatment again this time with Radiation and Chemo, it was like taking a second trip to Hell and all I could say is why me Lord, why me.

One early morning I was laying in bed, my Wife was still sleeping. In my mind I was talking to God about all of this and just could not figure out the reason why. My Wife and I were the only two people in the house as our children had grew-up and moved out. It was then that I heard a Voice say “I Love You” it was like no other voice I ever heard. I was not afraid but my body was shaking uncontrollable all over. I recognized the Voice and said Lord why, why if you love me are you letting this happen again, the voice said again “Remember I Love You” and then He was gone.

I laid there for almost an hour before my body finally stopped shaking; I got up and decided to read my Bible. When I opened my Bible it opened to the book of Isaiah 38: 1 talking about King Hezekiah who was sick, I read it and prayed thanking the God I served. We finished Radiation and Chemo only to hear a few months later that my NPC Cancer came back a 3^rd time, but this time my Caretaker and I decided no more treatments I was too weak and my body too sick and rundown. I asked her to let me go home to Honduras to see all my family one last time before I die this was back in 2006. While there my older brother took me to a place on the main land where they did herbal treatment for people with cancer, I was against it but said OK why not, God blessed it and I am still alive 10 years later.

A few years ago I went swimming while in Honduras and got water in my left ear, the ear I have 1/3 of the ear drum missing. I started having a lot of pain and could not figure out why. When I got back to the US I went to see my Cancer doctor, he did a MRI and told me I have a large tumor in the back of my head and needed to get back on Chemo right away or I will die. My Caretaker Wife said no we are going to get a second opinion and so we went to MD Anderson. They did another MRI with a PET scan and said I have a lot of problems but no Cancer. I ask them why then am I hurting so bad by the left side of my ear and head, they said possible side affects from all the treatment I had.

I lived in terrible pain for the next 6 months, my life was going down hill and no one knew why, I was trapped once again in this sick Prison body and dyeing slowly oh how I prayed to get out and be free and healthy again. I seen doctor after doctor and ran all kinds of test but nothing came back. I started having problems with my eyes and then started having episodes of blindness on and off; I prayed oh lord please don’t let me go blind.

Then my Caretaker Wife who is my God sent companion said, let try the Chiropractor maybe he can help a little with the pain. I brought a copy of the MRI we did when I first came back from Honduras the one the doctor said showed I had cancer again. I knew he would not adjust me with out seeing if I have a spinal problem from all the treatment and where the Cancer was in my body. We were talking about all my problems when the Chiropractor said what are your doctors doing about this Mastoid Infection you have. We both looked at each other and said what Mastoid Infection, he then showed us the MRI and where it said bad Mastoid Infection. We could not believe what we were reading. I have an infection on the left side of my head, I am in pain on the left side of my head, and none of my doctors who all looked at the MRI said anything about a Mastoid Infection. Did they miss this or something?

We went back to MD Anderson as I was no longer using the Local Cancer doctor who told me I had Cancer. And the ENT at MD Anderson said no I don’t have a Mastoid Infection, I said the MRI said I do and I had it for almost 7 months now and it is getting worse. All he did was to look at me and say you don’t have a Mastoid Infection, we did not know what to do after that. We prayed and I found another ENT while there in Houston, we made an appointment with him, I told him nothing about my having NPC Cancer. When he scoped me he said man you are infected really bad, I might have to do surgery to cleaned some of this out. He then asked about all the scar tissue in my nasal passageway. I then told him I had a cancer there about 6 years ago but all my PET scans show I am clean now.

He put me on some very strong Antibiotic for two weeks and said come back in three weeks we will look at it and see if Surgery will be needed. After two weeks most of the pain was gone, I was able to get off of all the hard pain pills. When we went back to see him he was very up-set and saying you have Cancer I need to know where the cancer is I need to see all your PET Scans I need to know the location of the Cancer. I said hold on doc, I told you I no longer have Cancer; you told me I have a Bad Infection in may nasal area. No, No, No he said I need to know about your Cancer. I looked at him as asked did you by chance get my MDA chart, why are you going on like this I have an infection. With that we left his office, my Wife and I could not believe what we just went through, why the switch from infection to Cancer. All of this was just putting me into depression as I could not find one doctor I could trust, it would set me back and sometimes all I could do was to cry. Why Lord, why if you love me why can’t I find a doctor who cares.

I had to trick a few other doctors into giving me some more Antibiotics, by then I started feeling good again, almost back to my old self. I felt like for the first time I was getting released from this Prison I been living in the passed 9 months. Wow it felt so good, my strength started to come back my health started to improve I started to gain weight, I could walk with out the need of someone to hold me up, I was free at last. All because a Chiropractor could see what my Medical Doctors could not see. Finally after searching so long and living in pain God lead me to an ENT who really cares and has been a answer to all my prayer.

I was doing great for about a year but then started having some side effects from the Mastoid Infection I had; I had hopped that they would go away but they did not. More and more the tissue on the left side of my face was giving me problem at the same time I also started having problem with my intestine not working. It was like I violated parole and found myself now back in Prison, the same 4 walls, the same depression, the same pain, the same not feeling good, it was all there waiting for me.

A few months later my bowel stopped working, I would back-up with the worse constipation you could imagine. I went to every type of doctor I could; just trying to find an answer, I tried all there medicines and nothing worked, the only help I got was in doing enemas and colonic butt washing. I was getting deeper and deeper in depression as nothing seams to help me. I was trapped in this Prison body of mine again with no way out locked in solitary confinement and praying to God pleading for Him to help me.

There was times when Satan would put thoughts in my mind of just killing my-self and getting out of this pain and suffering I was in, just get it over with no one really cares about you, your are old, sick, and in the way. He would try and pull me down as deep as he could in this prison cell, as I would fall to the floor he would kick me and just hold me there. All I could do was to pray, my God my God please help me I know you are there.

My mind was going back and forward, why me Lord what did I do, but even in my deepest depression somehow I could feel I was alone, but not fully alone, this is hard to explain, you have to live it to understand it. I would cry out because I new it was God He was right there with me and my mind remembered the words He said. I love you, remember I love you; these words now kept playing over and over in my mind. Then I would remember reading about Job in the Bible and the trials he went through. He was a righteous man, he took care of all the poor in his town, and he gave of his wealth to others that were in need. Yet God let Satan afflict him, why, because God knew Job, he too questions God at times, but he never lost his faith in all his trials.

Job 1: 20: Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, 21: And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. 22: In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.

Some how as all this would play in my mind I would find myself coming out of my deep depression and just sitting there with words on my lips,  thanking God and remembering that He loves me too.  I still have some very hard times; I am still having problems with extremely bad constipation and having to use enemas every time I use the bathroom. I lost my ability to swallow and so now I live on a Peg tube, it is very difficult living in a world where thing smell so good but you can’t taste it or even put it into your mouth. I am now lousing my voice and not able to speak much. I love to preach more then anything but Satan has took that ability away from me, so now I write my sermons out and post them on the web.

God has turned Satan evil into a blessing as there are more people now reading my sermons then ever before. Luke 7:23: And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me.

I found I may still live in this prison that seams more like a dungeon at times, but I also found that I am never never alone in here. Matthew :28:20: I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world, Amen. When I read in Fox book of Martyrs now I better understand how many of these people who were put into dungeon and tortured for what they believed could go to the burning flames singing and praising God. He was right there beside them holding there hand. When I am down and depressed now I reach up and hold on tight to Gods hand, I still live in this world and I am still tormented by Satan everyday in this prison body. Yet God gives me the strength I need one day at a time and when I need it the most, He never failed me yet and He never will.

Many people live in prison because of many different things in life; we can’t judge them by what we see on the outside. They are people who are hurting, people who need to be told you are not alone; but too many times we are busy with our own problems to help them. They just slip away and no one sees, they go on with there hurting day in and day out, they look normal but they are in prison on the inside, hiding in there own little world. If left in this condition Satan will take full control of them.

I have found that the rich more then any other group live in this prison. Why is this so hard to believe, they have all the money in the world all the toys that money can buy, but they live in despair unhappy on the inside. That is because the Bible says in 1 Timothy 6: 10: For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. With out God in there life they too fall hopeless under the vice of Satan. Money can buy you anything in this world you want, but it can’t buy you eternal life in the next, only Jesus can do that.

I understand a lot more about Gods love for his creation then I ever did before in my live. We all failed his first little simple test of who you believe, God or Satan. Obedience to his Law was a blessing, it was designed to keep mankind happy and healthy, God never wanted man to be sick or unhealthy, that was the cause of disobedience and sins. He seeks now to bring us back to Him and is preparing a place for all who will believe and put there trust in Him. John:14:3: And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. All He asks is that we be obedient to his Laws as a sign of our love back to Him. John:14:15: If ye love me, keep my commandments. This is why He let’s us go through the fire of suffering and pain; it is to refining us, to wash out all the impurity and stain of sin. So that one day we can again live a life with no Prison walls, no depression, no sickness, and no SIN.

Mt:21:21: Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

Only by faith in God and in His Word can we be saved, someday all that we have gone through will seam so petite a thing in comparison to what Jesus did to save us.

Romans: 8: 35: Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36: As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. 37: Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 38: For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39: Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

There is nothing that can separate you from Gods love, except your choice to not let Him in. Satan will do everything he can to block out the love of God in your life. He will cause sickness, illness, depression, even death to a love one, all to get you to blame God and separate you from His love. Just remember what Paul was telling you in Roman, nothing can separate you, only your choice not to believe.

Life is sometimes like a prison cell we get locked in with no way out, but even in this prison Jesus will shine his light of love on us through a window or crack in the wall if we are willing. This prison is only temporary when you compare it to eternity with Jesus, and I know someday I will meet all of you there in Heaven. We are like a flower we start off in a dirty patch of ground on this dusty old Earth, but in the end we will bloom with the beauty of Gods love for eternity.

I know who I have believed in, and I know and believe His promise that He will one day came back to take us home to live with Him, its a sure thing. I know that whether I am alive or Sleeping in the dust of the Earth, that I will hear His voice coming and saying well-done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of thy lord Mt: 25: 21. 

I still worry a lot about what will happen to me and my Wife when I can no longer work. Will I have to give up my home how would I be able to pay for it, what about other things I need, how will I be able to pay for them. I don’t know the answer to all this but this I do know God will make a way for me He always did and He always will.

Miracles; do you believe in miracles: A pray of faith can do a miracle all by itself. Our bodies were designed to heal themselves but because of sin we lost the one key ingredient “the Tree of Life”. But even with that missing the power of people praying together for the common good of one can still make a miracles come through when God blesses it, don’t give up, never give up, Jesus is right there with you just believe.

Who ever you are that may be reading this, you may be going through some very tuff times in your life. Maybe everything is just fine in your life but you just don’t feel normal and don’t know why, it is like there is something missing. Put all your cares in the Arms of Jesus, I know it is not easy, but the more you get to know Him the easier it will be come.

Oh my friend I pray that you will Remember this Hebrews: 11: 1: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. We have not seen it yet but it is true, because Gods word does not fail.

It is by His grace that I have been able to continue living, preaching, and writing, about His love and what He did for me. Not that I am any better then anyone else, I am just a simple fishermen following in the foot prints of my savior. I too like everyone else am waiting because I know soon; very soon He will come back for all who have believed and put there Faith in Him. My pains and suffering will someday all be in the past that is the faith that keeps me doing His will.

I pray asking Gods blessing on all who will read this and hope it helps you in dealing with someone who is going through illness in there life.

Sunday Feb 17, 2013:  a good friend of mine lost his battle with Cancer. He was a good Christian man with a beautiful Caregiver Wife and Chidden who he left behind. He is sleeping now in no more pain or suffering, resting from all his labor. I look forward to meeting him again when we hear the call of our Masters Voice saying well done my good and faithful servants; enter into the joy of the Lord.

Friend I hope you will join us there on that morning, my friend Larry and I will be wearing our new bodies with no scars of this old world.

We will be the ones singing O victory in Jesus, My Savior, forever. He sought me and bought me With His redeeming blood; He loved me ere I knew Him, And all my love is due Him, He plunged me to victory, Beneath the cleansing flood.

May the God of our faithful Fathers who through faith believed in His grace and love be with you until we meet in God kingdom. Friend if you too are living in your own prison don’t give up, just believe. When you are down in pain and hurting beyond belief just remember He is there beside you holding on. This life is short in comparison to what Jesus has planned for all who believe, just give it a try. I know how hard it is because I too been to hell on my knees a few times and surrounded by Satan and his evil angles. But while in pain, in suffering, in despair and depression my hand was holding tight to my King, my Lord, my Savior, my Friend and my Brother Jesus.

Up-date:

God is so good so very good to those who live by faith. This week for the first time in two years my bowels have come back to normal; only by a miracle could this have been possible. God is still in the business of doing miracle when we believe and have Faith in Him.

Up-date 10-22-2013

God is still in business

Yesterday I did a swallowing test again but this time it did show a little improvement. While I still can swallow or eat like a normal person I am able to sip and swallow very small amounts of water. What the test showed is that the back of the tongue is no longer moving to close off the air way into the lungs. While this is not a good thing it has also become a blessing, in the past the back of the tongue would only move half way and would allow food and water to drain off into the lungs; better known as “Aspiration”. Now with the tongue being stuck and not moving at all the doctor was amazed because when swallowing water it has found a new root around the stuck part of the tongue down the throat by-passing the air way into the lungs. They are sending all the finding from the test to my ENT and suggesting that I be giving the OK to start swallowing very small amount of water again, Wow miracles do still happen.   Paul said I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

God bless you all as each of you go through your trials in life. Remember this life is only a step in stone to a better one with my Lord my savoir and my friend Jesus. Don’t give up hope put your faith in Jesus He is right there with you alway.

If you are going through some tough times in your life dealing with some disease contact me at this web-stie I want to pray with you.

Up-date September 5, 2015

Hi everyone

It is hard to believe that I am still alive in 2015 and all I can say is God has been very good to me. I was in Honduras for a few months to visit my brother and get some time alone with God. There is nothing better for your health then to live in a tropical garden that does not use any type of poison on any of the fruit trees. I lived on Mangos, Papaya, Pineapples and Star Fruit, the entire time I was there, just walk outside pick it off the tree and put it into my blender so I can put it down my PEG tube. I really enjoyed it and I am looking to go back again soon.

I am still having problems from all the radiation 10 years ago, my breath smells very bad and there is nothing I can do about it. Also been having a lot of bleeding back in the nasopharynx area, the tissue is so damaged from radiation that it will not heal, so it bleeds all the time. The other problem is not being able to swallow so at night when I am sleeping some of it goes into my Lungs and gives me pneumonia. But by faith I keep moving on and doing all I can as God give me another day.

Please keep my friends in your prayers; I have a friend named Debby who is fighting for her life. She has a little different type of cancer then I had but cancer is bad no matter where you have it.

Thank you

In God’s workshop

Elder Tim McNab

—————————————-

Up-date December 9, 2015

God has been very good to me this year, I was able to see our 7^th grandchild come into the world and to be a part of her life, that is truly a blessing.

I am still having problems bleeding from the dead scar tissue in the sinus where I had all the radiation and nothing I do seams to help it. I am also still having pain in the sinus and on the left side of the face and ear, but God gives me the strength I need each day. I have also notice that my attitude is effected by the weather. On days that are warm and sunny, I feel very good, and on days that are cold and raining I feel bad; Glad I have a computer for the Rainey days. I had to retire this year after 25 years with same company, work was a big help to me as it was a place I could go and concentrate on something else besides all of my problems. We sometime don’t understand how blessed we are to have work every day, it helps our body stay in shape, one reason why God gave us the Sabbath one day out of seven so we can rest.

Thank you all for your support and prayers.

Elder Tim

Cancer Survivor only by His grace.

Restoring Gods Truth Ministries

+12